


heartbreak on my hands

by emptyswimmingpools



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s01e13 Morning Star, Vague Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6617452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptyswimmingpools/pseuds/emptyswimmingpools
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jace left a week ago, and Alec doesn’t know what to do with himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	heartbreak on my hands

There’s an emptiness in Alec’s chest he can’t explain. It feels like a part of him is missing, as if someone’s just ripped out one of his organs and hidden it away, never to be seen again. He’s like a book with the last fifty pages gone — incomplete, abandoned in the climax without a happy ending to put it at rest.

It’s sat there for a week now, but it feels like an eternity has passed. The days have droned on and on, much like a broken record player that keeps blasting the same part repeatedly, perpetually. Jace left a week ago, and Alec doesn’t know what to do with himself.

He’s too distracted to think rationally, his mind fogged over with Jace, Jace, Jace… It’s an endlessly recurring burden that stings like a harsh slap that bruises: prominent as ever, and not just visible to only him — Izzy sees it, Magnus sees it, hell, so does Clary, even. They don’t bring it up because the wound is too fresh, but Alec notices the concerned looks they shoot him.

His _parabatai_ is gone, and Alec wishes he could be mad. He hates that he empathises, because at the end of the day, if their roles were reversed, Alec would’ve done the same thing in order to protect those whom he loved. But this doesn’t mean that the pain comes with any more ease.

He hasn’t slept properly since, and it’s taking its toll on both him and those surrounding. “Alec, just… just take a break and get some rest,” Izzy had said to him just less than a day ago. Alec recalls nodding meekly in response but he never obliged; he can’t even bring himself to utter two words about the boy. But running on merely a few hours of sleep isn’t all that healthy, as he learns the hard way.

It’s a day and a half later when Alec gives in and retreats to Magnus’ loft. (He _can’t_ sleep at the institute, it hurts too much.)

When he wakes up, Magnus is right next to him — why wouldn’t he be, after all? — and despite the pain, he feels a brief wave of comfort wash over him at the thought of knowing that he’s not entirely alone. He looks at Alec with tentative fondness and despair, and Alec smiles weakly back at him. It’s a smile that holds little meaning, little emotion, but Alec feels like he has to for some reason regardless.

He sits up slowly, sighs heavily. “I miss him,” he murmurs, his voice croaky and feeble. “I don’t know what to do, Magnus.”

Magnus takes one of Alec’s hands in his and offers him a hopeful glance. “We’ll find him,” he insists firmly, like it’s a promise.

Alec shakes his head, laughs bitterly. “How? We have _nothing_ ,” he says.

“I don’t know, Alec. But we will.” It feels empty — like a promise that won’t be kept — but he doesn’t comment further. He just lays back down and lets himself think.

**Author's Note:**

> title from [g](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jErLlcPx3mI)asoline by troye sivan  
> tbh this is shite i rushed this in a timespan of 20 mins  
> and [follow my tumblr](http://sighmemes.tumblr.com/) because im thirsty and why not


End file.
